I have recently been involved in helping some older family members transition from their life-long homes into retirement and nursing communities. While historically the care for older generations fell directly upon the shoulders of the younger ones, people are now living longer, need care for greater periods of time, working later into their lives, and raising families while both parents hold down full-time jobs.
While I will not take time here to argue the finer points as to whether we are working harder for less these days, we are definitely busier than ever and in no position to handle the additional demands associated with bringing a parent or grandparent in need of care back into our homes. Care which formerly stretched over several months or even a few years is now necessary for decades in many cases, and navigating the available options, often with limited time or resources, can be difficult. That is precisely why it is better to start early and take time to evaluate the choices than rush into something out of immediate necessity.
Unfortunately there is no magic eight ball that will provide the right answer for you but an excellent approach can be to begin the conversation with estate planning. As people get older and enter a period in their lives where some sporadic nursing care may be necessary, it is a good idea to take inventory of the estate plan in place. Many people did some estate planning during an early part of their life when they felt the need was greater due to asset accumulation or the birth of children. Now enjoying the retirement years, it is time to revisit that estate plan, this time taking a look at potential estate tax liability or medicaid planning.
Updated wills, living wills, and powers of attorney are all requested by retirement communities when you enter them, and opening the lines of communication this way can help avoid arguments about “just putting grandma in a home.” Frequently, documents are misplaced or surprise people when they are found because they are no longer close with the individuals they named 17 years ago to get their grandfather clock or make decisions on their behalf.
I can’t make any guarantees that approaching life planning discussions in this way will be a resounding success and get your loved ones into the best situation to carry out their final years. I can say that it is a great way to get the ball rolling and explore your available options. Of course it never hurts to mention that you too would like to enter a retirement community to reduce the burden placed on your own family when the time comes.
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